In the Confessions of Saint Augustine, language was necessary in Augustine's path to conversion, but it also caused him to deviate from the same path. Being able to speak and read, Augustine came to know God for the first time, while his final conversion in the garden of Milan involved listening to a child sing and read a passage from the Bible. On his path to God, however, language represented a trap for Augustine, as he initially failed to look beyond the physical words of the Bible which were simply representative of God. This raises the question of how language can be both useful and harmful when trying to understand God. Language is necessary in the path of conversion, but the use of external words must be combined with internal perception through self-discovery to overcome the obstacles that language presents. Say no to plagiarism. Get a tailor-made essay on "Why Violent Video Games Shouldn't Be Banned"? Get an original essay Language was a necessary factor in Augustine's conversion journey. Through language, Augustine was able to enter the “stormy society of human life” (Augustine 11) and learn about God from other humans and from books. Learning to speak allowed him to interact with humans and develop faith by following the example of those around him. As a boy, Augustine was already a believer in God, like his mother and most of his family (Augustine 14). He was able to develop this early foundation for living a faithful life through interaction with others. The language also allowed Augustine to read the Bible. At this point, the same factor that had led Augustine towards God led him astray. His focus on language, rather than the internal meaning of the Bible, led him to be attracted to the Manichaeans and the way they spoke about God. Augustine lacked internal perception, something necessary to understand God, which is why language became an obstacle in his journey towards conversion. Although language was necessary for Augustine to know God, it also represented an obstacle because language is merely representational. When Augustine first read the Bible, he was unable to look beyond the physical words on the page. He considered the Bible unworthy compared to the works of Cicero and noted that his “puffed conceit shunned the moderation of the Bible, and [his] gaze never penetrated its interiority” (Augustine 40). Augustine was unhappy with the Bible because he thought the words on the pages were too simple for him, when in reality he was too interested in the words rather than the meaning of the words. The problem with language is that it is inherently distancing, because it is simply a representation of something. For Augustine this meant that taking the Bible literally in his first reading distanced him from God. Similar to when Augustine first learned to speak and used words as signs of his desires (Augustine 11), the Bible is a representation or a “sign” from God. The words do not represent the real desires they describe, just as the Bible does not really represent God. Augustine was not satisfied with his first reading of the Bible because he could not look beyond the words which were just representative of God. Language is also harmful because it can hide the fact that something is devoid of truth. Augustine once again distanced himself from God through language by trying to understand God through the Manichaeans. He was attracted to the Manichaeans because of their “skillful, very earthly and talkative speaking,” and only much later did he realize that their hearts were empty of truth (Augustine 40). Even if the words that came outfrom their mouths they sounded good to Augustine, they did nothing but mask the Manicheans' lack of understanding of God. Their words represented something false and were a trap for Augustine, who at that time did not know that they were misrepresenting God. Language as an obstacle to the imitation of God became more evident with the arrival of Faustus, who was known as “a great devil's trap” because of his soft speech (Augustine 73). It is interesting that Faustus' use of language is compared to the devil here, because the Manichaeans' use of language is something that distanced Augustine from God. Faustus is considered one of the more respectable Manichaeans, but his words are imagination that earned him this reputation, not his understanding of God. Even when words truly represent God, language alone is not enough to understand him. To imitate God one must turn inward, but language is an external aspect, so the two must be reconciled. Augustine saw Ambrose reconcile both the internal and the external when he saw him reading silently. When Ambrose read, “his eyes ran over the page and his heart perceived its meaning, but his voice and his tongue were silent” (Augustine 92). Ambrose still processed the words on the page, but his heart is what allowed him to understand God. His silence demonstrated that the physical words on the page were not the most important aspect of what he was reading. Since words are representational, they are not sufficient to reach a full understanding of God. Ambrose's eyes are what he saw on the outside, the words representing God, but it was his heart that was able to overcome the representation and perceive that which was internal, namely God. Like Ambrose, Augustine later managed to reconcile external language and internal perception, but only towards the end of his long journey towards full conversion. Augustine's final conversion involved reading a passage from the Bible. He read one sentence and did not need to read any further because it was as if “a light of relief from anxiety flooded into [his] heart” and all his doubts were dispelled (Augustine 153). As in the case of Ambrose, it was Augustine's heart that was most touched by language. This marked a transformation in the way Augustine understood words as the way to God. When he read the Bible for the first time, he could not penetrate deeply into the meaning of the text and could not understand God from it. This raised many doubts in Augustine as he tried to find a different way to understand the Bible. After a long intellectual journey, Augustine was finally able to turn towards God because he learned that he needed to return to himself and see with the eyes of the soul rather than with the physical ones (Augustine 123). Understanding God as a transcendent light that cannot be perceived by the bodily senses was what allowed him to read the biblical passage in the garden and experience his final conversion. Since God cannot be experienced through any of the bodily senses, He must be reached through the internal means of the heart, mind, and soul. The internal perception necessary to understand the meaning of language must also imply knowledge of oneself. The scene in the garden was a crucial moment in Augustine's journey. Yet it was the child's song and the short passage from the Bible, both involving the use of language, that brought about his final conversion. Previously, language had led Augustine to distance himself from God, but during his journey he was able to learn more about himself. Immediately before reading the biblical passage, Augustine reflected on why his soul continued to refuse to convert, even though there was no excuse not to do so,.
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